The importance of words, meaning, and context in change management

I was told yesterday that when two people meet for the first time it is like ice-bergs colliding and that they first connect at the very deepest level. This was someone I'd met for the first time. I disagreed. Did we connect at the very deepest level?

All communication is about TOPIC and RELATIONSHIP. Subconsciously we ask: What is being said, and how am I bring treated.

All the time we listen and compare words, ideas and concept with our internal schema (vision, values and meanings which are built from nature, nurture, culture and experience). Words are important: they educate, rally support or direct resources. Any change-agent needs to understand that poor choice of words, and particular judgement words (good, bad, right, wrong) or emphatic works (always, never, must) are likely to trigger judgements which are made in the mind of the listener and be interpreted differently according to the internal schema of that person.

To avoid upsetting people, and having clear communications stick to words without connotations. If I say someone is witty, good looking and fun, these are judgement words and may convey very different meanings to different people according to their values. But if I say someone is blonde, blue eyes, 6foot tall and speaks with an American accent, we can be confident that we have the same understanding. Of course it is convenient to say something is 'great' or 'bad' but it is also lazy and in change-management potentially pejorative.

If the meaning of words is the reaction that they provoke (a concept from psychotherapy and NLP) then the failure in communication is not in what was said, but in not anticipating the impact on the person to whom it was said.

A colleague was a course and reported that things went find once they completed the Forming, Storming and Norming phases of Team Building. I asked her to explain the Storming. She said that she took it really badly when told she was “traditional” (not modern?) and needed to be more “open-minded” (not narrow minded?). The trainer later switched from a strategic topic by saying said "..let's bring this down to your level..." (What level did he think she was at?) These are a poor choice of words if the objective was to engage my colleague. However, it does seem that things did work out OK in the end.

I reflected on this and think that change-agents should consider that challenging people's views, values or behaviors without satisfactory objective (non-judgmental) explanation/education is likely to upset!

Was my colleague being super-over-sensitive? Maybe educating people (thinking) or changing behaviors (feeling) is a sensitive issue, and care needs to be taken to create positive outcomes rather than provoke defensive resistance in the quest for hearts and minds?

DISC and MBTI

DiSC is an acronym for the four primary dimensions of behavior. Whether you act more D,I,S or C (usually highlighted in colours Red, Yellow, Green and Blue respectively) The is a judgmental assessment of people and categorizes them into 4 types or sometimes into a blend of according to the mix of colours eg Red(D) and Blue(C).

Dominance - direct, results-oriented, strong-willed and forceful.
Influence - outgoing, enthusiastic, optimistic and lively.
Steadiness - even-tempered, accommodating, patient and humble.
Conscientiousness - analytical, reserved, precise and systematic.

See http://www.4sight4business.co.uk/about_disc.aspx

Whereas MBTI is about people's thinking. Whether you have a preference to think more E than I, S or N, T or F, J or P. This is less judgmental of your behavior and more about preferences. It also provides for 4 x 4 = 16 combination and therefore seems more flexible than categorizing into 4 simple types.

Extraversion (E) - (I) Introversion
Sensing (S) - (N) Intuition
Thinking (T) - (F) Feeling
Judgment (J) - (P) Perception


[E]xtraverts are action oriented, while [I]ntroverts are thought oriented
[S]ensing and i[N]tuition are the information-gathering (perceiving) functions
[T]hinking and [F]eeling are the decision-making (judging) functions
Preference for [J]udging function (thinking or feeling) or [P]erceiving function (sensing or intuition)

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator

I think that the former may be helpful in categorizing and understanding behaviors, whereas the latter may be more useful in influencing people since it is fundamentally about how people prefer to think, receive and process data and that must surely be the route to influencing them.

I would be really interested in feedback.

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

The First Three Habits surround moving from dependence to independence (i.e. self mastery)

* Habit 1: Be Proactive

Synopsis: Take initiative in life by realizing that your decisions (and how they align with life's principles) are the primary determining factor for effectiveness in your life. Take responsibility for your choices and the subsequent consequences that follow.

* Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

Synopsis: Self-discover and clarify your deeply important character values and life goals. Envision the ideal characteristics for each of your various roles and relationships in life.

* Habit 3: Put First Things First

Synopsis: Plan, prioritize, and execute your week's tasks based on importance rather than urgency. Evaluating if your efforts exemplify your desired character values, propel you towards goals, and enrich the roles and relationships that were elaborated in Habit 2.

The next three have to do with Interdependence (i.e. working with others)

* Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Synopsis: Genuinely strive for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships. Valuing and respecting people by understanding a "win" for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution than if only one person in the situation had gotten his way.

* Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Synopsis: Use empathetic listening to be genuinely influenced by a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere of caring, respect, and positive problem solving.

* Habit 6: Synergize

Synopsis: Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals no one person could have done alone. Get the best performance out of a group of people through encouraging meaningful contribution, and modeling inspirational and supportive leadership.

The Last habit relates to self-rejuvenation:

* Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Synopsis: Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle.

It pays to be lean

I am a great fan of lean processing.

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lean_manufacturing

There is lots to read, but I think the following images summarise the key points for success. These being the 5 S to achieve success and the 8 W (wastes) which we should seek to minimise or avoid.



We all know how being organised and having everything in its place makes a big difference to getting things done. Being more efficient and effective makes us happier, healthier and wealthier.


We all groan at the extra or unproductive work, stock, paper etc., that is used but adds no value. Working on reducing the 8 wastes will reduce this, and increase profit!

Moving from want to need

Ladder of Inference: Finding meaning in what we say

The ladder of influence is a great model about how and why we make judgements based on what we see: This may be as simple as any boy who does ballet is strange, anyone who listens to radio4 is boring or provide justification for genocide!

The meanings of words come from the person, from within, based on experience, culture and context. The word pants has 2 different meanings: in the USA it means trousers, in the UK it means underwear.

Two people may have entirely different understandings, and put different value judgements on hearing that the defendant wore only pants and a T shirt!

If you can get a descriptive-word wrong, just imagine the scope for error with a judgement-word. Fred Bloggs is GREAT. Ask 10 people what being a great person means and you'll get 10 different answers.

How could this lead to genocide? Because people are lazy they seldom describe things in detail. Rather than say Fred Blogs is 5' 10" tall, blonde, blue eyes, speaks with an American accent someone may instead say Fred is handsome.

Because handsome is not the same for everyone, on hearing this everyone will use their interpretation of handsome and each have a completely different picture of Fred, which bears no resemblance to the facts.

Other problematic judgement-words include quality and expensive, since they are bound to have different meanings to different people.

What if the judgement-word was Evil, or Dangerous. What if due to experience, culture and context people put meanings into words which would result in fear, hate, panic. What if they acted on those feelings?

Unfortunately we all work with stereo-types, bias, pre-conceived ideas. Some are good - they protect us from dangers like fire, animals, drowning, accident - others restrict us, like phobias and bigotry. The only solution is to be factual in our dialogue and open to leaning from listening without bias.

Recommended link: http://server.vettweb.net.au/qho/qhlp/personalintegrity/documents/Theladderofinference.pdf

The magnificant 7 ways to influence, avoid or react

These are check-lists that I have developed from various sources, none is entirely original but I have found them useful and happy to share with others.

7 Ways to Influence

Do it…

1. Because you like me, and you’re like me
2. Do it to reciprocate, repay past or future debt or promise
3. Do it because everyone else is doing it
4. This offer is good for a limited time only
5. Do it to be consistent, with past, with values, with type
6. You can believe me, I’m an authority
7. Do it or else

7 Ways to avoid Influence

No, because...

1. I like you, but I don’t like this proposal
2. Is this a favour? Are you looking for something in return?
3. Just because everyone else is doesn’t mean..
4. If I don’t have time to think, I don’t have time to buy
5. I need to think about what I want, and be consistent with that
6. If I were you I might, but I’m not you
7. Please explain the “or else” slowly so I fully understand

How to react to negative feedback (possibly bullying)

1. Ask for time to think - it should force a pause or moment of silence.
2. Think about what you want to happen - don’t fight back, think forward.
3. Get the bully to stop yelling - “Please speak more slowly, I’d like to understand” or (if on the phone) say nothing until they ask “Are you still there?”
4. What ever you do don’t explain - think forward, don’t justify, recriminate, excuse or offer explanation. They’re looking to exploit weaknesses (-) not strength (+)
5. Ask “what would you like me to do?”. If so challenged they will ask you for something more acceptable than what they want. This is your exit opportunity.
6. Don’t take criticism personally - attacks on your team, your work, your values, etc are not attacks on you. Although it is hard to resist “fight or flight”
7. Learn from criticism - if you wait 24 hrs before answering criticism it will demonstrate maturity, reasonableness and you may learn something!

As always I welcome feedback, and different perspectives. Please use the comments box to add your views and experiences.