Do you suffer from Low Frustration Tolerance?

The Problem

People receive more helpful advice and information than ever before, in ever more clever, entertaining and effective ways about how to live longer, healthier, happier and more productive lives.  Yet we still have way too many people starting and continuing to behave in unhealthy, self-defeating, and sometimes even self-destructive ways, when faced with change. 

The Cause

People start and continue to behave in unhealthy, self-defeating ways because it serves a purpose. Behaviour of any kind is always goal-orientated.  Ideally, all our energy and effort would go toward reaching those goals we all have like living longer, healthier and happier lives, having good relationships with others, being successful at whatever we do, and having more control over our own destiny. But no one does that perfectly, or all the time.  Unfortunately, people often have "mistaken" goals that  get them off course. A very common mistaken goal is to try to temporarily withdraw from, or avoid unpleasant life events and get relief from the emotions that often go with them. So many unhealthy behaviours have that exact "mistaken" goal.

A large part of what gives rise to such "mistaken" goals, and purpose to unhealthy, self-defeating behaviour is that people generate a dysfunctional amount of emotion in the form of anger, anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, loneliness and even boredom.

Growing up people  are regularly told "you should be ashamed of yourself". No one likes being constantly reminded of what they do wrong. Generating a dysfunctional amount of emotion can impair peoples' readiness, willingness and ability to learn, and sabotage their performance. It can give purpose to unhealthy, self-defeating behaviour that only impairs such things even further.

People of all ages often don't do things they could to make their lives better because they generate   Low Frustration Tolerance for doing things they don't like.  Many underachieve because they suffer from Low Frustration Tolerance.

A dysfunctional amount of emotion causes people to react to life instead of respond to it. It makes them less response-ABLE.  It makes it harder for them to access and act on advice and information.

The Solution

Emotional management is considered the first and most important of all life skills people must master to be as functional as they can be. Teaching people of any age the simple but important life skills noted earlier can give them truly effective emotional management

Truly effective emotional management is often a missing ingredient in most wellness programs started by companies.  Much of what participants are taught ends up just being mere "band aid" approaches to the problem of generating a dysfunctional amount of emotion.

There are many ways to temporarily feel better. Some are healthy, many are not. Students and employees are sometimes taught some of the common healthy ways to temporarily make themselves feel better (i.e.Yoga, meditation, relaxation, biofeedback) or encouraged to vent.  However, there's a difference between temporarily feeling better and getting better.

Getting better means to reduce the overall frequency, intensity and duration of emotions like anger, anxiety, depression, etc. The only way to GET better is for people to change the way they think.

That's why it's much better for all concerned if people can learn to self-evaluate their own thoughts,

feelings and actions.  They can do so by asking some simple questions of themselves:

1)      What do I really want?  How do I really want to feel?

2)      How's it working for me to think, feel, say and do what I do now?

3)      Does the way I think or look at things allow me to feel the way I'd really like to?  Does what I think, feel, say and do allow me to get what I really want ?

4)      Does it make my life better or worse to think, feel, say and do what I do now?

5)      If I keep thinking what I do now, and looking at things the way I do, will it be easier or harder to feel the way I want to in the future?  If I keep thinking, feeling, saying and doing what I do now, will it be easier or harder to get what I really want in the future?

Acknowledgement to Ray Mathis, Adjunct Professor, St. Xavier University/International Renewal Institute