Listening is not the same as hearing. So what is Listening?
You might hear someone from Mongolia talking, but you cannot say you were listening to them unless you understood!
So what is Listening? LISTENING = ATTENDING + FOLLOWING + REFLECTING
ATTENDING SKILLS
Posture of Involvement - leaning forward, being open, being relaxed
Appropriate body motion - non moving and unblinking suggest not listening
Eye contact - express interest and a desire to listen
Non-Distracting environment - give un-divided attention
FOLLOWING SKILLS
Door openers - invitations to talk 'how was your day…' avoid door closers ' you seem in a bad mood..'
Minimal encourages- Yes, I see, Really? Gosh, Tell me more
Infrequent questions - open questions tend to judge less and explore more (DO NOT interrogate!)
Attentive silence - Wisdom = Silence + Listening
REFLECTING SKILLS
Reflecting - its been a interesting day what with AAA, BBB and CCC (non judgemental reflection)
Paraphrasing - concise and accurate
Reflecting feelings - Individuality (like friendship) is found in feelings not facts
Reflecting meanings (tying feelings to content) - ' You feel ………. because…………..'
Summative reflections - facts and feelings,
CONVERSATION FORMULAE
1.A factual description of body language: ' Your face is beaming. You look like you are happy'
2.An invitation to talk: 'Want to chat?'
3.Silence
4.Attending
REFLECTING FORMULAE
1.Focus on the feeling words
2.Note the general content of the message
3.Observe the body language
4.Ask yourself, If I were having that experience, what would I be feeling?
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Hi Tim - interesting post. Ref your final point though, consider the difference between sympathy and empathy. We show sympathy when we view something from our own perspective. We show empathy by exploring how things look and feel for another person. We can try to see things as they see them, which allows us to appreciate how this is making them feel, not how we would feel in that situation – they may have totally different feelings from those we would have in the same situation. We try to walk in another’s shoes and experience the world as they do – always remembering that we can never truly do this – but can only ever get as close as our listening skills allow.
ReplyDeletehope you're well
Kate