Is it important for you to be right?

I recently suggested in a blog is it better to be right than liked. Is the truth more important than popularity? Is performance more important than personality? In the interests of balance I’d like to explore the opposite argument.

Sometimes, at personal or professional level, we get involved in endless discussions where each one just wants one thing: be right!

These situations may have no limits as everyone sticks to his/her own vision, perception and opinion of the subject... and just doesn't listen. Gradually the volume levels rise, there is anger, tension, stress it becomes vital that everybody recognize THEY are right. This calls on our basic caveman instincts of fight or flight.

However engaging our conscious thought rather than our unconscious feeling should tell us that  these fights are futile. They are things you need to let go. This is not a battle to continue to exist!

Wanting to absolutely be right is having a stuck, stiff, smug posture. When you're responsible, when you're in charge, being right is secondary. The important thing is to get results, to learn, be flexible, be open and get closer to your goal ... Accepting that it's not important just being right.

Top tips if you find yourself in this situation
a)    Focus on the problem, not the person. Recognise that you need to eliminate the problem not annihilate the person!
b)    Separate facts from opinion. If they are facts you should be able to agree on these. The only areas for disagreement may be interpretations.
c)    Understand your feelings and their feelings and the causes behind these. Are they emotional, logical or changeable?  Seek to understand these.
d)    Focus on priorities not position. An ultimatum cannot be compromised and must result in win/lose but attention to needs and priorities may offer a win/win option.

I believe when two people always agree one of them may not be necessary. I believe there is value in debate and consultation, not least because change happens through people and you’ll not motivate change by telling people they are wrong! Better to have them collaborate and become a partner in the problem solving.

With acknowledgement to marc@autenticoach.com for  some of the above.

Do you prioritise personality or performance?

This will be controversial but is designed to prompt some discussion, so here goes..

Lord (Alan) Sugar said in The Apprentice  (22-Nov-12)  “..it would be a mistake to bring someone into the boardroom because of personality rather than performance..” If you are managing change in your organisation do you prioritise personality or performance?

When recruiting what priority do you put to relevant qualifications and experience compared to amenability? If I’m going under the knife I am prepared to trade a sunny personality for some surgical skill.  I am not sure when it would be wise to prioritise style over substance. Comedy springs to mind, because is more about connection than fact.

I think success comes from knowledge and experience, seeing the big picture as well as the small detail, and having honesty and integrity. Together these offer credibility and are the building blocks of trust which should be earned from performance rather than presentation.

Attitude is important. Formula 1 Frank Williams, and Apple’s Steve Jobs are examples, but attitude isn’t always a breeze to work with. How much do we sacrifice if we are charmed by personality?

There are some circumstances where it may be more important to be right, than liked. Chamberlin came back re-assured by Hitler, but it took Churchill’s less compromising approach to safeguard the country. Interestingly Churchill was accommodating of talent rather than flattery. Whilst he didn’t like Montgomery he had a deep respect for his intellect and integrity, although their banter suggested personal tensions. Montgomery said I don’t drink and I don’t smoke and I am 100% fit. Churchill replied I do drink and I do smoke and I am 200% fit!

If we don’t prioritise qualifications and experience we may end up with Prisons, Hospitals and Children’s Homes being run by celebrities, and we now know where that can lead!

The secret of planning, priorities and beer

One of Jersey's top CEOs and Change Leader has a jar of rocks on his desk. This story explains why, and his approach to managing change.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions, and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the rocks first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

How to get into the magic circle of change managers and leaders.

INTRODUCTION

There are many theories and models to communication and motivation. This document focuses on  Circles Of Influence and the approach and tools which can be used to overcome resistance to change.

PROBLEM

When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.   How do you effect organisational change when so few are in the make it happen category? Or potentially more are in the stop it happening group!

APPROACH

There is a prayer  Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  In life, it is so easy to focus on our circle of concern –things that we cannot control. Proactive people, the other hand, keep their thoughts and actions within their circle of influence or the things they can control, and by doing so make a difference.

http://www.businesscolab.com/images/thjr_circlesofinfluence.GIF
The old adage its not what you know, but who you know is key to Circles Of Influence. Sometimes the best way to persuade Fred will be to ask Mary to talk to him, rather than to talk direct. Not because it isn’t better to talk face to face, but because trust is essential to communication and if Fred doesn’t know you, but does trust Mary then that may be the best route for dialogue. Recognising the key influencers and building a coalition with them can be key to communication and motivation.

http://www.businesscolab.com/images/thjr_newton.GIF

HAVE A MAP OR A PLAN

A map of all your stakeholders, who knows who, and their level of interest and influence will give you have a clear picture of communication and motivation. This provides a good base from which to plan your actions.

http://www.businesscolab.com/images/thjr_stakeholdermap.GIF

Success in managing change is not to turn everyone into evangelists but to move people one step along until you reach tipping point. When you have reached the tipping point then you have momentum and change can happen quite quickly. It is important to identify the key people who will bring their followers and tip the balance: Politicians do this all the time by focusing on key marginal groups or topics which they believe will swing consensus in their favour.

http://www.businesscolab.com/images/thjr_seesaw.GIF

NEXT STEPS

Eight Ways to Expand Your Circle of Influence…

1.    Don’t ask why, ask how – ask yourself the right questions in order to expand your circle of influence. How can I turn this situation around? How can I improve my relationships? How can I help and inspire the people around me?

2.    Believe, Achieve, Succeed - Believe in yourself even in the face of naysayers. In order to expand your circle the influence, you’ll have to be bulletproof to criticism. Most criticism is intended to hold you back - to maintain status quo. Don’t let negative criticism influence you. Instead hold your vision strong and concentrate on the desired end result.

3.    Turn off the news - Put yourself on a news diet because most news is intended to create and stimulate fears in order to increase ratings. The daily news focuses our attention on our circle of concern or those things that are outside our control.

4.    Increase your value through education – Read and educate yourself on the areas that you want to expand. If you want to improve your job situation, read books on your area or take classes. If you want to improve your business, get a mentor or visit a successful business owner.

5.    Fine tune your skills –In our lives, repetition is the mother of skill. Constantly work on mastering skills. For example, your marriage is something that we must constantly work on. Like a bank account, we must make positive daily deposits for a rich relationship.

6.    Turn problems into opportunities – Many times problems are blessing in disguise with hidden opportunities.

7.    Volunteer to help – Volunteering is a great way to provide a valuable service to other people. But it is also a great way to network with like minded individuals that is ripe with opportunities.

8.    Be upbeat and enthusiastic – Upbeat and enthusiastic people attract people and situations that expand their influence. It’s natural to want to be around someone with a magnetic personality. By becoming magnetic, you will attract the opportunities like a compass pointing north.

Acknowledgements: Sensei Tim Rosanelli - John M. Richardson, Jr. - Reinhold Niebuhr (1892 – 1971) – Stephen Covey

Going native. Is it good? Or a threat to success (for the consultant or the client)?

From a cultural perspective, a certain level of conformity with client culture at the outset is smart. In order to be accepted by the "tribe", wearing the "beads and feathers", and participating in a rain dance or two will likely result in a more receptive audience when it comes to affecting change.

There are two aspects to objectivity that are equally important: the consulting firm’s objectivity and the client's "perception of objectivity"  the balance between the two types of objectivity is the key. There are many consultants who follow the path laid in the fable of “the emperor’s new clothes” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Emperor%27s_New_Clothes) and simply tell the client what they want to hear. This may win friends and influence people, but is it right?

By “going native” you could to lose objectivity, and to start to identify too much with a company.  A key question is at what point after being immersed in a client organization does a consultant begin to lose objectivity, independence and effectiveness. Is it then they join the client organisation for a drink on a Friday night, go to the office party or start spending weekends or holidays together?

I believe there is a link between “going native” and Groupthink, when you start believing the voodoo. This occurs within groups of people, in which the desire for harmony overrides a realistic appraisal of issues. Group members try to minimize conflict and reach a consensus decision without critical evaluation of alternative ideas or viewpoints.

There are eight symptoms of groupthink:

1.       Illusion of invulnerability –Creates excessive optimism that encourages taking extreme risks.

2.       Collective rationalization – Members discount warnings and do not reconsider their assumptions.

3.       Belief in inherent morality – Members believe in the rightness of their cause and therefore ignore the ethical or moral consequences of their decisions.

4.       Stereotyped views of out-groups – Negative views of “enemy” make effective responses to conflict seem unnecessary.

5.       Direct pressure on dissenters – Members are under pressure not to express arguments against any of the group’s views.

6.       Self-censorship – Doubts and deviations from the perceived group consensus are not expressed.

7.       Illusion of unanimity – The majority view and judgments are assumed to be unanimous.

8.       Self-appointed ‘mindguards’ – Members protect the group and the leader from information that is problematic or contradictory to the group’s cohesiveness, view, and/or decisions.

Avoid “going native” by remembering If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

Where are you stuck?

With what models and perspective you define your environment, your situation?
Where are you blocked?
What makes you prisoner?

We grow and build our beliefs.
Thanks to them, in the past we have survived, we have achieved goals, we have succeeded.
From there we have built our opinions, our references, our logic. We have defined what we think, how we think, how we do things, what we should or should not do ...

Do these beliefs work for you today? Or is it time to review and renew them?

Which of your knowledge, skills and beliefs are still useful to you?
Which no longer help?
Which do you need to unlearn and forget? Which do you need to strengthen or initiate?

How to take away these rigidities that have grown on you and no longer serve you?
Would you accept getting rid of them?
Do you dare?


Acknowledgement marc@autenticoach.com, Skype MarcDcoach

Leave me alone - I know what I'm doing!

Kimi Raikkonen pulled no punches on Lotus team radio in Abu Dhabi F1 when he said “.. Just leave me alone I know what I'm doing ..”  http://bit.ly/RCadOu

How often are you focussed (or possibly expert)  in what you are doing and yet you get suggestions and distractions which take you from your path? The problem is that sometimes success is not about what you do, but how you do it. Allowing yourself to take time to talk and listen to people may be as important to your success as staying detached and focussed on the outcome.

In Kimi Raikkonen’s case he clearly felt that banter on the team radio was likely to impact rather than help the outcome, and for sure Lotus’ priority is to win races.

So how do you strike the balance between action and talk, thinking and communicating, delivering and sharing? Here are some ideas from my own experience.

Step 1 -Spend some quiet time alone thinking about the factors, outcome and key people to be involved. Be clear about your SMART Objective.

Step 2 - Prepare your own thoughts and invite relevant people to contribute their ideas. Having done Step1 you’ll already have some criteria against which to evaluate other people’s suggestions.

Step 3 -Share your proposals, combining your original thoughts and those contributions from others which have added value, and then invite people to final comment and/or sign-off

Step 4 –Finalise your proposal/project. Hopefully with consensus, but failing that note any dissent or follow-on actions or further work required. Don’t ride roughshod over difference, but don’t fail to complete your task because you are looking for unanimity.

I would be very interested in other people’s experiences and ideas.

Tim

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