Sometimes, at personal or professional level, we get involved in endless discussions where each one just wants one thing: be right!
These situations may have no limits as everyone sticks to his/her own vision, perception and opinion of the subject... and just doesn't listen. Gradually the volume levels rise, there is anger, tension, stress it becomes vital that everybody recognize THEY are right. This calls on our basic caveman instincts of fight or flight.
However engaging our conscious thought rather than our unconscious feeling should tell us that these fights are futile. They are things you need to let go. This is not a battle to continue to exist!
Wanting to absolutely be right is having a stuck, stiff, smug posture. When you're responsible, when you're in charge, being right is secondary. The important thing is to get results, to learn, be flexible, be open and get closer to your goal ... Accepting that it's not important just being right.
Top tips if you find yourself in this situation
a) Focus on the problem, not the person. Recognise that you need to eliminate the problem not annihilate the person!
b) Separate facts from opinion. If they are facts you should be able to agree on these. The only areas for disagreement may be interpretations.
c) Understand your feelings and their feelings and the causes behind these. Are they emotional, logical or changeable? Seek to understand these.
d) Focus on priorities not position. An ultimatum cannot be compromised and must result in win/lose but attention to needs and priorities may offer a win/win option.
I believe when two people always agree one of them may not be necessary. I believe there is value in debate and consultation, not least because change happens through people and you’ll not motivate change by telling people they are wrong! Better to have them collaborate and become a partner in the problem solving.
With acknowledgement to marc@autenticoach.com for some of the above.
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